If you have fallen head over heels in love with a married man, you could be on an emotional and sexual overdrive at the moment. How to successfully date a married man? How to woo and attract him? What to do when you fall in love with a married man? How to keep the complications away and make the relationship work?
Here are 10 tips you should know if you are in love with a married man:
1. Keep it simple without being clingy
Make sure you are clear about what you want from this extramarital relationship. If the married guy has feelings for you, he would be all over you but you need to be in agreement with a few non-negotiable terms. It will be a secret that both need to be careful about. Lay down clear rules of how you want to be treated or what expectations you have of him. As long as both decide to stick to the same page, this is a workable affair.
2. Ask him the right questions
It's good to know where he stands in his relationship with his wife. If his marriage is broken beyond repair and he has decided to give up on it, you are in luck. However, make sure that you know the real deal and aren't being kept in the dark about the true happenings in his marriage. You owe yourself transparency. Walking on eggshells as it is, the least you could do is prepare yourself for the worst by probing the right away.
3. Draw your boundaries early on
Never ever let this affair with the married guy get the best of you. Nobody is too good that they get a free pass to disrespect you or treat you like you don't matter. Realize one fact that this married guy still has his wife to lean on at the end of the day while you will be waiting for him to always find an opportune moment to connect with you or see you. It's frustrating beyond words. The thrill or this secret affair is undoubtedly overwhelming and feels right for the moment but never at the cost of your respect.
4. Keep meeting potential partners
It's a smart move to keep your prospects open. The thing is, when you keep your network wide and meet new people, you might just come across someone who is willing to give you everything rather than making you an option. Also, it will keep you distracted from being deeply involved with the married guy who you are unsure of. It's fair to you that you work on your peace and not lose your mind over a married guy who isn't divorced yet. Let him earn his space in your life with concrete efforts so that you devote all your time and energy into him.
5. Know for sure if he will ever divorce his wife
You have to address the elephant in the room today or tomorrow. What needs to be reiterated here is the fact that having a clear picture of what you sign up for saves you time and your emotions most importantly. Ask the married guy if he will ever divorce his wife and give you the commitment that you may be looking for. If not, which is the more probable answer you could expect, you should be ready with your exit plan if and when necessary.
6. Be mindful of privacy
If this affair is to continue, maintain privacy. If he is a co worker, keep it as formal as possible when you are surrounded by your colleagues or seniors. This will save you from the embarrassment if things don't work out as you have planned. Ask him before you call him or give him the space to decide when he could spend time with you. Throwing fits or getting impatient in a scenario like this would work against you.
7. Enjoy your life
Your life should not come to a standstill. If you place him on a pedestal, it is likely that he could take you for granted. Let's be honest here, if he can lie to his wife and family you might also be lied to at any given point and time. Amidst such complexities it only makes sense that you do what you do, spend time with your friends and family, never ditch your work and things that make you happy just to please this married guy.
8. Never ditch the kindness
Always keep your dignity intact. Be kind and graceful at all occasions. It goes without saying that you will always end up giving more than receiving here. Unless you are ready to make such a compromise, it's wise to stay out of dark affairs because it could make you vindictive and bitter towards the end in case you build high expectations that may not be fulfilled. This does not bode well for your mental well-being which should always be your priority.
9. Keep your sex life spicy
Most of the affairs with married people demand a good sex life. Smell good, flirt with him, share erotic messages and talk dirty. After all, sexual chemistry is an important part of a relationship. More often than not, a married guy could have a dysfunctional sex life or a dissatisfied one to be interested in another person. Not discounting the emotional needs, but sex life needs attention. Enjoy it but keep the emotions out.
10. Prepare yourself for a heartbreak
Keep your exit plan ready. This relationship may wreak havoc in your life if the secret spills at any point and time. Calculate all that could go wrong and accordingly chalk out a plan so that the damage can be minimized if not averted. This will not go on forever and because it may come to an end sooner than you expect, never make major life decisions centering around this married man you are in love with. You will regret it later if he hasn't designed his life around you.